Kathy's Thoughts

My thoughts on life around me and trying to find the true me.

The Journey continues

For those of you that have been following my journey to “find” myself, here is an update.

A few weeks back the Neurologist proclaimed me to be, “100% neurologically healthy”.  This didn’t explain why I still have pain though.  He recommended a Rheumatologist.  Last week I went for x-rays of my hands, wrists and feet.  They showed that I have normal hands, wrists and feet.  I also went for blood work.  A year ago my Rheumatoid factor was a little high so we wanted to compare it to this years number while also testing for Lupus, Sjogren’s and who knows what else.

Guess what, I am Rheumatologically healthy as well although due to the first Rheumatoid factor she wants to check me again in a year to make sure I don’t develop RA.

Where does this leave me?  Frankly, it leaves me a bit peeved!  My body still hurts me.  I couldn’t even stand up this morning without being in pain.  I have no answers and it is depressing me.  I am a 41 year old woman.  I should not have pain like I am ninety!

So the journey continues to figure out this mystery I call my body.  If you have any ideas or suggestions of things I should rule out, please comment.  In the meantime, stay healthy yourself.

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I’m doing it!

I took a step today.  I sent an e-mail stating that I was resigning from a rather prestigious committee.  I won’t lie, it killed me to do it.  The truth of the matter though is that in order to move forward towards inner peace and harmony it had to be done.

I HAVE to cut back on my undertakings and I DID!!!  I won’t be able to get this committee back when I have figured out how to tame this disease with no name BUT, I will have the memory of being asked to be on it and I will have my health.

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Priorities

One of my worst traits is that I tend to take on too much.  I have the “yes” gene.  I think it stems from a secret wish to be noticed.  A need to feel validated.  If someone asks me for help they must really need ME right?  WRONG! 

Have you ever noticed how the same people are always the ones that step up?  I am beginning to think it is because we have the word SUCKER tattooed on our foreheads. 

I woke up this morning and realized that the more I take on, the sicker I get.  I currently suffer from a disease with no name.  I have noticed that I am at my worst at night, yet most of the things I tackle I tackle at night.  I have been in bed by 8:00 all but one night in the last month (I “slept” in a museum last weekend).  My body is SCREAMING for help.

I have decided that it is PAST time that I started to listen to my body and have come to the conclusion that I must prioritize.  This means that I must take a look at all the things I have said yes to and consider turning some of them into a, “I’m sorry but I must take care of my health first so I am withdrawing as…”

I think once I let go, I can start to well, let go.

I will let you know how it works out.

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